Be Good. Be Food.

Randoodle 6
by J. Ingram

Be Good.  Be Food.

We'll make connoisseurs out of the burgers-n-shakes folks and barbecue battlers out of the wine-tasters!

Let's all be our favorite foods, instead.  Let's all be so shallow a portion, spicy-delicious, artfully tea-sandwich, or unrepentant-tart upfront, before the first bites are taken.  Introverts can pry their pea-pods open, only for like peas to breathe relief and join them.  Then, seal it up again to spin an emerald disco ball and blast the music, pum, pum, pum, pum, against the shell.  Party girls can put their rainbow sprinkles directly on.  As you walk down the glass counter, scientists will have labeled themselves as layer-cakes, bisected and ready to discuss all the complex effort of baking, cooling off, then expanding the next batch of molecules to carefully warm themselves into existence.  Children can be pupusas--sometimes tomato-sweet when one remembers to give them the benefit of a generous sauce.  Then, in a few years, we remember they came with la cortida, all along.  So busy we were, pensando en la encima, relleno de carne o el queso.  We miss a person's delicious potential if we don't first try and see it.  If we seal our senses and swallow feasts whole, we may as well be eating gruel.

Let's none of us give up and be processed, or obscure our natural flavor with carcinogens.  If we are born robust, then let's be delicious, fatty beef gau pho dressed with jalapeno peppers and bean sprouts on the side.  If we must be burnt, for having endured crisis too long in our lives, then let's choose to be crispy-sweet like blackened barbequed ribs.  And, for those of us who long to be nurturing when life in the kitchen is sometimes too hot and demanding, then go on and be a brave platter of steamed rice.  Vast, buttery and filling.  And to those who have been exhausted with loving, make all those painful, left-over memories work for you.  Toss them in the pan, fry yourself too.  Break an egg over it.  Be fried rice. 

This isn't fried rice, but clearly, some food does speak for itself!

And for dessert, the most troubled of our food-people will shine best.  The fragile victim in recovery can be bright orange Jello.  Quivering, but with the potency of a true dazzling ambrosia once given the chance, on the world's compassionate tongue.  As for the most delicate of our delicates, the newborn babies will definitely be marshmallow peeps. 

Those of us who mourn should be chocolates.  Bitter, if we feel that.  Or, allow ourselves to be creamy, pale and sweet.  Relieved from the hard processing of any true cocoa because we are mourning the loss of a long-suffering loved one, now finally put to rest.  And, if we are angry chocolates, because the tragedy should have never happened--then we can be a piece of baker's cocoa.  Tough, defiant in that we will not be cut and measured again so easily.  We will be stalwart, maintain our integrity until there is healing and justice. 

Let's not discuss how Sergio likes fruit-pies, but Keisha only likes custards.  We'd better not dare, in these tough times, argue whether key lime is technically a pie in Pasha's defense, or if it should have never become a gourmet cupcake, just to make somebody else happy.  Quit hold of all delectable political minutiae, for once.  If we could all become our favorite foods, if we could season ourselves, prepare ourselves and present ourselves perfectly according to how we feel, if we could wield the skill of knowing hearts so intimately and then be free to discourse, invite, or object with no stigma nor fear of punishment (Who reacts to food with violence?  Perhaps resentment, and fun food-fighting but never violence), then, with that clarity, it would become undeniably obvious what each of us truly needs.  The puzzle pieces would be a lot easier to figure and fit together in life, not just around its edges.  Then, Oh!  How we would help ourselves, to one another.  I'd go back for seconds.

But, for now, mac has no idea where cheese is, or how she's really doing, or if they'd ever improve the next family reunion by letting things go, and showing up together.  Right next to the turkey.

...

Next:  And you thought Syramon was introduced too late to be of any use to the final plot... you don't even remember who he is, do you? >.>

(Randitty-O-Meter:  10, I've made you hungry on purpose.  Go on, maximize those pictures.  Muahaha...)

Paperclip Safari, 4

Randoodle, 6
by J. Ingram

Paperclip Safari! part 4

The Saga Continues...

In hard times, paperclips can even congregate in the most foreign and dangerous environment for wild office supplies:  elementary school closets prone to grubby mini-fingers, if not summer-break cleaning!

Did you know that even some of nature's greatest and solitary beasts will come together in times of distress?  The Bald Eagle is an example.  Normally solitary when not part of a mated pair, bald eagles will defend territories and are unafraid of fighting showy aerial battles over a stolen fish-catch.  But, if there is a shortage of prey or harsh weather conditions, bald eagles will roost together looking very stern in their white caps, but generally tolerant of one another.

Curiously, paperclips more closely define the American way of life (being physically inserted or fastened to the very paperwork that structures it).  Though, paperclips don't enjoy the same symbolic reputation as bald eagles. 

All this is to prepare you for what our photag Valerie finally reported in, when her health improved:

The Stripey-Link Clan was tracked indoors--we presume they were most desperately motivated to escape DC's 100 degree temperatures last week.  A thorough search of the building (the Stripeys selected a mostly desolate elementary school of all places, such brave little ones!) was necessary to find them, because their incredibly tiny tracks were hard to spy on the carpets.  And then, wherever Valerie did discover silvery forms huddling together in the air-conditioning to hide and chew with fervor on old stacks of graded mathematics exams and foreboding, crackling-pink detention slips, these were not the same sweet clip-creatures we'd become so familiar with in the past couple of weeks.

As you can see, the conditions of a true paperclip safari are dangerous for office supply hunters as well as the hunted.  These days, Valerie limps along with shorn off shoe-laces from Titan's attack and many small, oblong bruises on legs and arms bared to DC heat.  And worse, whenever the wild paperclips are discovered by a school teacher determined to finish her classroom cleaning for the summer break, they are promptly gathered up to reside in tightly-closed plastic bins, as pictured.

Valerie spoke to one of the teachers engaged in this practice, who told us, "I am amazed at the ability of the paperclips to seem new-like after so many years.  And they were very agreeable when I put them in boxes."  The school teacher wishes only to be known as The Paperclip Saver.

To that... I don't really know what to say to that.  I guess the paperclips either enjoy being contained, according to this first-hand account by the mysterious The Paperclip Saver... Or, the paperclips must experience such undue stress in the summertime as they cannot effectively communicate to human beings with their tinny, unheard voices? 

Another remarkable possibility:  suppose all the paperclips we meet aren't pawns in some national black-market office supply scheme.  Could it be that paperclips migrate from the wild and into our homes and work cubicles, or lie in wait below our desk-chairs to be plucked up and stowed safely away until some rainy season returns?  And if paperclips can, in fact, survive in air-tight containers, then perhaps they are adapted to hibernate or else enjoy a periodic airless, submersible state seen in some species of whale that can go without surfacing, for hours?  That such close similarities should be found, so far across the animal kingdom!

Without more opportunities to observe the Stripey Link Clan long-term, we may never know.  Valerie believes our particular beloved metal friends are captured within this very container.  Unfortunately, the Stripey Links are difficult to spot from all the others.  We hope that Strawberry, her young cubs, and the two adopted, colorful rogues can one day be reunited with their lost Silverback, Titan. 

And if, as do some species, this prominent, clear plastic container is also an ancient migratory rendezvous point within the building--this may very well be!

I should also note that Valerie has refused to go on any more safaris for Randitty until we can actually pay her.  So, it will be necessary to let them stay packed in The Paperclip Saver's container, for now.  Or, I guess just could go buy another handful of paperclips and try to pawn those off as the originals... but, alas!  When we still know so little about paperclip-hibernation, in the eyes of the great conservation community, that would only make me a part of the problem.

-The End, for now-

Mi'Raah will be concluded...

(Randitty-O-Meter: 7, So sad... I'd cry but I don't want to rust the few paperclips in my workspace that I've managed to rescue.)

---

Chapters
1 Paperclip Wisdom :: 2 The Mighty Silverback Paperclip :: 3 The Stripey Link Clan :: 4 The Origin of Office Supplies Species :: 5 Paperclip Savers are Environmentalists Too :: 6 The Blackest Friday

Randoodle, 5

Randoodles
by J. Ingram

Four: The Origin of Office Supplies Species 

Eopaper Clippius, 50 million years ago.

What happens when you google 'the origin of the wild paperclip' and nothing substantial comes up?  Well, another great thing about Washington, DC, is that you can find any wonderful book about any topic your heart might dream of... at the Library of Congress.  While Valerie struggles to recover from an angry retaliation by Titan (not to worry, he targeted her shoestrings), I decided to do some research on the mysterious origins of the elusive wild paperclip.  Hopefully, it will broaden our story.  Above, is a page taken from Theodore T. Marsner's The Origin of Office Supplies' Species.  It is a fossilized primordial paperclip discovered 1,000 years ago--in excellent condition isn't it?  What appears to be a female fossil is lined up next to a modern-day male Silverback, for perspective.

One can only wonder at the amazing size of the ancient golden female paperclip.  What does it suggest about the dimensions and regal nature of her lost mate of 50 million years ago?  What does this must mean about their diet during the Early Eocene Era?  This was also the age of the early horse, known as Eohippus.  Additionally, I wonder at downtown's Natural History Museum not featuring Eopaper Clippius, when its sparkle might cheer a lot of the exotic models and fossils.  Imagine an entire mural of early Paper Clippius!

 Though the tiny rubber stegosaurus is chronologically misplaced, many of the other ancient species are excellent together in a museum-ish setting--even the exotic faux-clip, which imitates a vicious safety pin.

...

More Mi'Raah's a comin'!

(Randitty-O-Meter: 6, It's not a pile of stuff.  I swear, it's a mural.)

---

Chapters
1 Paperclip Wisdom :: 2 The Mighty Silverback Paperclip :: 3 The Stripey Link Clan :: 4 The Origin of Office Supplies Species :: 5 Paperclip Savers are Environmentalists Too :: 6 The Blackest Friday

Randoodle, 4

Randoodles
by J. Ingram

Two: The Mighty Silverback Paperclip
 

The adolescents must wait their turn, while the cliplings feed.  For having this omega status, perhaps their sire is not the current Silverback?  In a plentiful time, one senses an aura of tragedy...

Our photag, who wishes only to be known as She Who Fears Public Ridicule--I'll shorten it to Valerie--has tenderly named this family the Stripey Link clan.  I suspect it is for the two adolescent paperclips with vibrant hides and similar mischievous personalities.  The Silverback of the family is as noble as he must be, their mother behaves near to her strawberry sweet color as well and the babes scuttle along playfully, but the adolescents often challenge the family dynamic with silly skirmishes or practical jokes. 

In a strange picture Valerie showed me, that might have upset so many animal welfare organizations, the Stripey Twins had fastened themselves to the laces of Valerie's tennis shoes and gone for a ride, flipping up and down the street and in the grass too, much to the horror of the alpha male.  Valerie carefully plucked them off and returned the twins to their family, but the diverted show of adolescent aggression was not missed by their alpha parents at all.  The Stripey Twins were later observed being kept strictly at the back of the herd by exhausted mother Strawberry, as punishment.  When will they be turned back out into the wild world, as the rogues they are?  We hope it won't be too soon!

But, as summer temperatures continue to rise in Washington, DC, the Stripey Link clan has found itself making longer journeys in search of food and water.  In time, this brought the silver male Titan (named for his scarce tolerance of the Stripey Twins he seems very dismayed at having fathered) and the rest  of the paperclips, to a dry grassland.  There seemed to be some sweet clover-flowers around and not much else worth nibbling on.  But the tempting scraps, the clan soon found, were not unguarded!  Strange creatures emerge:

Titan is a seasoned Silverback.  He sees the lone den of pin-cubs first, then immediately prepares for an attack by their parents.

In sequence, the photographs make little sense.  A skirmish started then ended itself like lightning and Valerie scrambled to capture it.  Some other small silver creatures appeared before the dried clover, there was a brief stand off with Titan undoing himself to reveal one long, bright fang--which we hadn't known paperclips were capable of!  The remainder of the Stripey Link clan then ran off, just as Titan threw himself at the enemy, and completely alone.  As they tangled--literally--six enemy Pinnius Safteyus were counted, including two cubs nested near an anthill.  These tinier ants even came out to watch the amazing silvery struggle.

And so, we have at last identified one enemy of the Paperclip--though it is not yet clear whether this was a case of the Stripey Link clan stumbling onto the nesting grounds of highly protective Safety Pins (and now you know where the 'safety' comes from), or if the Safety Pin pack were out hunting and then glad to find easy prey wandering so close to their den.

Five of the safety pins, even the two pin-cubs, bare their sharps fangs at poor Titan!

All that is certain now, is that the Stripey Link family have separated over the skirmish.  Titan's fate against so many is yet unknown, and if the Stripey Twins are matured by the experience or resentful at all, then they may seize the opportunity to rise as alphas, themselves.  The two could be swinging in the trees to strengthen lanky sinew forms and shed bold stripes in favor of a grown male's proud silver-sheen, as we speak.

If so, then does this suggest cannibalism among paperclips?  We cannot be sure of whether paperclips are, in fact, their own greatest enemy, until Titan fights his way back to his red mate and their cubs, and through a harsh metropolitan wilderness!


(To Be Continued...)

...

More Mi'Raah, this week...

(Randitty-O-Meter:  8, These guys are cute.)

---

Chapters
1 Paperclip Wisdom :: 2 The Mighty Silverback Paperclip :: 3 The Stripey Link Clan :: 4 The Origin of Office Supplies Species :: 5 Paperclip Savers are Environmentalists Too :: 6 The Blackest Friday

Randoodle, 3

Randoodles

by J. Ingram

Three:  The Stripey Link Clan

The other side of the issue.

Last week, while explaining the Paperclip Bar, it occurred to me that most people probably only have experience with the tamed paperclips we see on our desks:  handfuls upon handfuls of the bowed Silverbacks.  Sad, listless creatures having finally succumbed to a bitter end.

Before spirits dull and rusting sets in, before the capture and packaging of their mighty Silverbacks, all wild paperclips have surprisingly complex, though tinny social structures, and there are also severe environmental obstacles to their survival.  The gargantuan size difference in most objects, for example... It is a little-known story of the lone office supply which is, in fact, not.

Paperclips are sweet, noble creatures who face worse challenges than we do--and this has been true since the onset of the modern age.  Paperclips struggle simply because they are so small, made of metal, and sometimes encased in pretty, pretty plastic, and also really, very good at holding delicate things together (whenever a stapler can't be found).  Much as in the wild, where paperclips are closely linked to their own families.

The colorful red female shows small cliplings how to feed, while the majestic Silverback fastens himself strategically in the foreground.  What resourceful little creatures!

Here, the Silverback protects his family--called a herd, or sometimes a Chain--while they feast on berries in the trees.  Paperclips are natural climbers, being able to use strong, smooth jaws to fasten paper-thin leaves up against their flat bodies.  Once low-hanging foliage is found, it is then only a matter of sliding up the leaf, clipping successively higher to eventually reach food and safety in the emerald canopy.  One can also observe from the picture that the young, called cubs or cliplings**, must link together in order to climb as well as their parents.  It is a useful protection technique too, as they will seem much larger and mature in the trees when chained, often dissuading predators from attack.

And, from what do such harmless little creatures have to fear predation?  The natural defenses of paperclips seem to suggest many thousands of years of evolution.  Paperclips have long been defending themselves against something more ancient and menacing than the large, nationwide office supply conglomerates (we'll talk about the cruelty of staple-shooting machines later). 

Sadly, so much about wild paperclips is still unknown.  But thankfully, our photographer, who seems to have gained the trust of the Silverback, has offered to go on safari and risk herself for one week in order to try and unravel so many mysteries...

(To Be Continued)

**Note:  Young paperclip cliplings are often packaged as 'mini-paperclips' in the black market office supplies trade where, beyond the cruelty of it, that term is a gross misnomer when the little ones don't possess jaws strong enough to defend themselves, as do their parents.

...

More Paperclip Safari! and Mi'Raah later this week, homies.

(Randitty-O-Meter:  ??, Let's wait and see how wonderfully weird this gets, first.)

---

Chapters
1 Paperclip Wisdom :: 2 The Mighty Silverback Paperclip :: 3 The Stripey Link Clan :: 4 The Origin of Office Supplies Species :: 5 Paperclip Savers are Environmentalists Too :: 6 The Blackest Friday